All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
