so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
