She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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