I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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