hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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