And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
