I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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