her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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