Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
