i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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