I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
