What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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