I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
