whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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