I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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