DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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