the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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