Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
