True but thats because hes a fetus.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
