i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
