Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
