Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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