theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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