Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
