Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
