Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
