me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
