My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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