it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
