i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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