I just pynch a tree in the face
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
