I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
