my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he wants to bone in the snuggie
time to smoke my breakfast
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
