Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
