just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
