i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
