Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
