the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
