i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
