i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh god it's open bar.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
