I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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