I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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