I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it's great music for shaving your balls
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
