that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
