Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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