They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
