It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
