sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
