I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
