I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I touched a dick in church today
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
