8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
