Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
