I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
