i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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