Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
